All Nighters

I have to get up in 8ish hours which seems like its an ok amount of sleep, but this girl tends to be a little greedy when it comes to shut eye. My brain is going every which direction (brain fuzz). So lets write! 
-Tonight I was praying like I always do before going to sleep and I caught myself complaining an annoying amount. I actually made myself feel bad for God, like...this man created the universe...He does NOT need to hear me whine. SO to get it all out I decided I would make a list of the top 5 things bothering me currently, and then follow that up with a list of the top 10 things that are blessing me currently. Here..weee....gooo....

1. My foot hurts. My foot always hurts. My foot has hurt for many years. Every step I take feels like my arch is about to rip in half. Whats my favorite sport? Running. What do I do when I'm sad, mad, happy, stressed, excited? Run. What can I not even think about doing for the next several weeks? Running. What happens to Rach when she doesn't run? Fat happens.

2. My boyfriend hurts. He just had knee surgery and is in a lot of pain for most of the day. With me living 4ish hours away I can't be that awesome girlfriend that surprise! brings him ice cream randomly, or sits on the couch for three days straight watching all of his favorite movies, or drives him wherever he wants to go. No, I'm the one that just has to send a text message saying "I'm so sorry, wish I could help!" That's all I can do, and it sucks.

3. I can't find a decent job this summer. Now don't get me wrong I'm not opposed to getting dirty and working hard, but cleaning out stock tanks and painting fence every day for three months is not my thing. I'm more of a take care of kids, teach them how to play a sport, hang out with youth type person. Leoti sucks, there is no where to work, andddd I'm feeling a little bit trapped.

4. My cell phone sucks. Enough said on that one. (and no, in case you are wondering, I did not include my cell phone issues in the prayer I was talking about above. Its just one of the things that is bugging me lately).

5. I have homework up to my eyeballs and I feel like its never going to get done. Two observation journals, two psych assignments, a psych test and final, a couple other finals, observation hours to finish, an online class with three assignments per week. PHEW! Lord help me. These last three weeks are going to make for a very crazy and stressed out version of my already crazy self.

BLESSINGS:

1. Right now as I am typing this there is a thunder storm going on, and thunderstorms happen to be on my list of top 100 favorite things!

2. I get to see my whole family tomorrow! Some of them I haven't seen in about six months.

3.  I have a really nice car that allows me to drive to wherever I need to go to see my family.

4. I get to see my crippled boyfriend in a few days... and be the girl who brings him ice cream, watches movies with him, and drives him wherever he wants to go. :)

 5. I own a cell phone.

6. I was able to help out a close friend who is going through a hard time recently. One of the greatest feelings ever.

7. Tonight I had a birthday dinner for my best friend! It was a blast, this may sound so cliche, but I absolutely LOVE giving gifts to people. It is one of the best feelings ever to see them smile so big when they open up something that you specifically picked out with them in mind.

8. My roommate stayed the night over in our dorm tonight. That never happens anymore and it makes me sad because she has been one of my close friends since I was a junior in high school. We always have a great time joking around and hanging out when she does decide to stay here with me. (Though I hope I'm not keeping her up with the clicking of my keyboard).

9. I'm almost done with my first year of COLLEGE! Wow, I never even thought I would get out of high school, and here I am. Makes me so excited for whats coming up next in my life.

10. Well obviously my greatest blessing is the fact that I know and consider Jesus to be my best friend, counselor, rock, shelter, protector, healer, joy-giver, secret keeper, dream maker...the list goes on and on. I am so in love with Him. My hearts one true desire is to grow and grow and grow in my relationship with Him. This year I have. That has been my ultimate blessing.

Letter to Myself

Dear 5 year old Rach,

Mom loves dressing you in overalls. You look ridiculous. Whine and cry and this madness with stop.

Dear elementary school Rach,

Your brother is a jerk. He is going to punch you in the face and knock your front tooth out (but the joke is on him because you get a freakin' dollar out of the deal). He will teach you naughty words, then he is going to call you those naughty words, he is going to make you switch him rooms so that he can sneak out of the house, he will tackle you and beat you up every day (until that one time when you kick him in the baby maker and then YOU get in trouble) BUT later on I swear he becomes your best friend on this earth.

Dear junior high Rach,

Kansas sucks. It will always suck. Girls are super mean, and they are going to hate you, but instead of trying to fit in you should just throw up that middle finger (not literally...just like...get that attitude) and not care what they  think. Also some of those girls become your closest friends later on. Ummm go ahead and just don't go out for basketball because you end up hating it by your Junior year of high school. Kyler Berning quits hating you and "falls in love" with you. You look like a 9 year old boy right now, but you do end up looking like a girl eventually, promise. AND for goodness friggin' sake get your dang ears pierced it doesn't hurt that bad.

Dear Freshman Rach, 

Kissing is fun, quit being scared to do it. Math hates you and you suck at it. You aren't going to weigh 105 for a whole lot longer...CHERISH IT! Track....rocks, right? Work hard, don't just do the workouts to finish them, push yourself.

Dear Sophomore Rach,

Probably don't go driving around when your parents tell you to go straight home, they do find out, they do yell...a lot...when you almost total your car. Just because he has a mustang does not make him cool...it doesn't even go that fast. Mr. Chidester is scary, and he hates you, and he makes you talk to a trash can named Jason in Spanish class when he catches you talking to your friends. Just sit there and shut up.

Dear Junior Rach,

Hardest year of your life. You will be ok, promise. God is testing your faithfulness, you will use this time to help others get through their hard times. He is gone, but you will see him again! Wearing those pink high top Nikes to prom? Amazing idea, mad props to you. You are NOT ready for a serious relationship however, just don't go there. Also, do. NOT. CUT. YOUR. HAIR. OFF. Dumbest idea you have ever had. Seriously.

Dear Senior Rach,

I know you hate Leoti, and you probably always will...buttt tap your dang brakes! These are the days you are going to miss so much with the people you love so much. Have fun with your friends, you are going to miss seeing them everyday. Going to college 5 hours away is a good decision, you are going to love where you are at. You won't always be a top dog in track, so soak that crap up while it lasts. Don't date him, he acts like a girl. You go crazy with that camera girl... just open it up and let it flow, because you are good at snapping those pictures! Don't ever forget that you have a family that can't be topped. They are amazing.

I believe

I believe that the only way to eternal life is through our Savior, Jesus Christ

I believe that I have THE best father in the universe

I believe in making mistakes

I believe that frozen yogurt can cure any problem

I believe in taking chances

I believe that the Lord loves everyone, every single person on this earth past, present, and future. I believe He loves murderers, women who have had abortions, liars, cheaters, thieves, gays and lesbians, He even love people who hate Him. So why shouldn't all who call themselves "Christian" love those people too?

I believe that you will always remember your first love, but your true love will overshadow that powerfully

I believe that the best cure for any sickness is being rocked in a rocking chair by someone that loves you

I believe that a good sense of humor is key for survival in this world

I believe in doing silly little things for people to let them know that they are special to you

I believe that dogs are more human than we all think  

I believe that if you truly want to be happy you will be happy, and when you want to be..well..not happy you will be just that. Not happy.

I believe that our Creator is an artist

I believe in wearing what I think looks cool despite what society thinks looks cool

I believe in making up my own fun versions of words that I consider boring in their normal state

I believe that some lyrics in music are a way for people to express what they are afraid to say directly to someone.

I believe that everyone needs to chill in their sweats, eat chocolate cake, and watch more reality TV than what is considered healthy for three days straight every now and then.  

I believe that exercise (particularly running) is the quickest mood lifter

I believe in a thing called love...just listen to the rhythm of your hearrrttt <3 (had to)

I believe that being around people who believe in the same things as you and hold the same values that you do uplifts your soul and makes it easier to be the person you truly want to be

I believe that teachers can change lives

I believe in forgiveness when people ask for it, and (here is the real kicker) when people don't ask for it

I believe in being unique

I believe that crying helps sometimes

I believe that everyone needs a friend, and one person that will not judge them no matter what

I believe that Lil' Wayne is the best rapper alive...don't ever try and argue with me...ever

I believe that....I'm done! (for now ...muhahaha)

Things I’ve learned from my first year in college (Go Builders)

 You can leave your parents for more than a week, you will see them again and there are these awesome inventions called cell phones.

I am extremely privileged compared to a lot of people.

Boys are creepy. They will ask you to go on walks over facebook chat.Don’t go on walks.

You will only feel truly content when you place all of your trust in the Lord.

Sometimes you just need to be by yourself, even if you aren't sad or mad at anyone.

You have to say no to people even if it makes you feel mean. (EX- when someone asks you to go on a walk….over facebook chat). 

Just because someone knows a lot about the Bible doesn’t mean that they are a stronger Christian than you are.

When a person tells you that they have baggage…leave them to carry it by themselves.

I always saw this in movies and thought “wow what lunatics” but when you are feeling so low and you can’t find anything to hold on to…sometimes you do need to go out to a secluded place (pay close  attention to the next few words) with no people, cars, or buildings around and bawl your eyes out, scream, and talk out loud to yourself for a good 45 minutes... like someone who just overdosed on meth.

Secular music is great for fist pumping, hip tapping, and road trips, but when you are feeling low Christian music is what you need to bring you back up.

I would never have admitted this if I wouldn’t have met someone great, but when I hit rock bottom this year because of being let down, it was a blessing. If I wouldn’t have gone through that I would never fully appreciate the relationship that I am in now.

In high school I always thought that I was the strong girl. I was always telling my friends that they were so stupid for settling for that guy who made them feel awkward, or not good enough, or who treated them like second best. I became a hypocrite my first semester of college because I settled for that guy. I let someone make me, Rachel : (outgoing/ crazy/ loud/ goofy) feel like I needed to change myself into a more reserved person. I let someone make me feel like I wasn't strong enough in my walk with God. I sooo regret that. However, all of that did help me realize that sometimes I need to listen and relate when someone is telling me about their "man troubles" rather than try and tell those girls they are wrong for settling for that guy.

I learned that when you feel a feeling for a person no matter how strong, you tell them. You don’t know where they will be in a day, week, or month.

I learned that money does not grow on trees, does not fall out of the sky, does not magically appear in your purse…. waaa   :'(


I learned that sometimes rewards come much later than the task you performed, and sometimes there is no reward.

You find out who your friends are when you move 5 and a half hours away.

I am meant to be a teacher, and I can’t wait till I get to do that.

I am almost 20 years old and that scares the crap out of me
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I am almost 20 years old and I love animated movies and cartoons. Judge me.

I still haven’t figured out my "style" yet just in case anyone was wondering.

Church is somewhere I like going it’s not just a place my parents make me go.

I’m cheap like my dad.

           So my first year of college has included a few up’s and down’s and it’s not even over yet! I wouldn’t trade any of this year for anything .I have learned a lot, these are just the highlights of these past few months. I am so happy with where I am at and the people I have surrounded myself with, I thank God every single day for blessing me so greatly in this life of mine.

*Drum Roll* INTRO!

 So I guess everything has to start somewhere, and as an English major...ba boom you get an intro. 

Don't fret though, this won't be a common theme in this blog. Brain fuzz is my description of the marathon of thoughts that run through my cerebellum all throughout the week. In order to not create a short novel every post I've done some blog research, and decided to narrow my blog down into shortened versions of those thoughts. Lists of things that bug me, that I love, that I need etc. etc. etc. might pop up occasionally. One of those fancy "30 days of...blah blah blah" things might pop up occasionally. Bear with me people.

 ( WARNING: There will be an occasional tangent that I will go off on and I apologize in advance for those.)